Talking to Women About Sexual Relationships

Once I found the experts had no rational explanations to offer me, I decided to embark on my own personal research by asking women I met in everyday life.

I quickly learned just how embarrassing it was to approach women on such an intimate topic. Very few women are willing to talk about sex at all and even fewer have anything to say about orgasm. The vast majority are silent so it is difficult to know what they think.

It would be nice to imagine that at least some are quietly getting on with it; too busy doing to be talking about it. But given how shocked most women are by any mention of explicit sexual activity, I question how many explore sex beyond the basics.

When I mention that I am a sex writer (only to those women I hope will not drop dead from shock at the mention of the word!) most women avoid the subject completely. They don’t even risk a commonplace comment like ‘How interesting!’ or ‘How brave!’.

This lack of confidence or embarrassment (or however you interpret being snubbed) does not convey the impression that women are happily enjoying orgasmic sex. I can only assume that women’s sexual experiences are not as sensational as we’d like to hope.

I have talked to women of varying ages. No doubt, people will tell me that I have encountered an unrepresentative group of women. One woman suggested that I must ‘live in a broom cupboard’ because of the reactions I have reported. They have no idea.

I challenge anyone who thinks differently to try approaching women they know: relatives, friends, neighbours, work colleagues, fellow holiday-makers etc. What is difficult to appreciate until you try this for real, is just how embarrassing it is to ask anyone about their personal experiences of sex.

Most women have no comment on the subject of orgasm

Many people claim to be relaxed about sex but they run a mile if you ask for details. Likewise women may joke together as a group and compare notes over their lovers’ sexual performance but never their own. The women who were brave enough to talk to me admitted that they never divulged the same details even to their closest friends.

Most women never comment on the popular image of female sexuality. So the views of the more vocal minority win the day. Even young women can be shocked by references to female masturbation and clitoral stimulation. Older women assume that only men and lesbians masturbate and clearly have no idea why a heterosexual woman might want to stimulate her genitals.

A young woman in her mid-twenties told me that she was too embarrassed to talk to anyone about her inability to orgasm during sex. She had assumed that it was her boyfriend’s fault and that perhaps she didn’t love him enough. Only once I told her some of the facts that might explain her experience was she brave enough to mention the issue to her mother.

Her mother, a medical doctor, responded (with slight bravado given her previous silence): “Of course you don’t orgasm during sex!” Some women are happy to accept such conclusions without questioning.

Others want to understand why popular beliefs are so misleading. I certainly did. Unfortunately so often, it isn’t done to ask why because people feel uncomfortable when they have no answers.

One woman told me that she would never allow young people to have sex in her house. I did not understand why since the traditional issues no longer apply. Yet it was clearly impolite to ask for an explanation because of the sensitivity of the subject.

Anyone who doubts that these attitudes exist should get out of their own broom cupboard. When a young boy said: “My parents told me that’s disgusting!” my heart-rate shot up instantly. The taboo of sex causes emotions to run high whatever our beliefs.

Jane Thomas author of www.WaysWomenOrgasm.org
WaysWomenOrgasm.org provides information about female sexuality including details of how women orgasm with a partner. The discussion of female sexuality covers women’s orgasm techniques including their use of clitoral stimulation and sexual fantasies.

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Are Male and Female Sexual Drives Compatible

Female desires, male desire, are they compatible? Desires of different individuals are never identical, and they sometimes tend to forget in the momentum of the game. When one knows the beginning, when we love, we want very much, because we do not live together again. The get-together is times when the desire is always present. But the time of the meeting is a break in life. All remains are to build … and desires are so different.

Can a man and a woman are a couple may have sexual feelings at the same time?

Why this strong desire persists does not?
Once we began to live together, it feels so much the lack of absence that is a stimulant of desire. When one sees every morning and every evening, even more (there are couples who work together), the desire can no longer operate on the same modality.

How this desire Will it work then?
This desire will take two forms:
One is the instinctual desire, which is a function more often male. It is the sexual drive that is to say: “I feel like making love” … Suddenly, you feel an urge. Not necessarily all at once elsewhere. It may come gradually into one or two days, and then it is like going up. We speak of instinct, because it comes from inside you, and not always triggered by something in the environment.

And another form of desire?
It is the desire to reply, which would be rather feminine. Your partner desires you express in words, in gestures, innuendoes, his attitude, his manner, you understand, or he tells you, and provokes envy yours. Initially, there was no particular drive, you think of something else, and then another comes to you and you are interested and you say: “Why not?”, And greedily pleasure.

So we are compatible, since we are so different?

If we are, because these two types of desire complement each other very well and even perfectly. One partner feels a desire to drive and the other a desire to answer, relation is possible and enjoyable for both.

Is it really so typical: men have an operation and another for women?

Some men feel that their partner does not want, because it is essentially a desire for response, not an instinctual desire. Because they have difficulty understanding that his desire is more relational. Yet just as rich as her desire to bring depth to the relationship.

If both accept one and it gives great wealth to the relationship. If both try to make another change is rather negative. He tries to operate on the instinctual way, and she tries to make a desire to live more relational.

No, of course, women also have instinctual wishes and desires of the men answered. But the distribution is not 50/50. It notes trends…
What are they basis these trends to be different between men and women?

In analysis, hormones, education, genetics, but also society and the role it gives us … A little while without doubt, and it is difficult to separate things. But the result is there.

In total, we are very compatible, but if we doubt, we may disagree on the differences instead of taking them as assets.

Get more information how to enhance male sexual libido and treat low sexual drive problem. And also get more remedies to increase sperm count naturally.

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15 Family Situations that Put Children at High Risk for Sexual Abuse

It is difficult to provide round the clock security for a child against sexual abuse, however certain family situations have been found to expose the child to avoidable dangers. Parents would be doing a lot to prevent sexual abuse of their children if they avoid the following family situations:

1.A home situation where children are starved of love and so have to depend on outsiders to meet their emotional needs. Parents that are harsh, hypercritical and not demonstrative of love may leave their children vulnerable to child molesters who pretend to offer them what they cannot get at home.

2.Absence of moral instructions in the home does not equip the child with the resources to know what is bad and evil.

3.Single parent families where a single parent fends for the family and would have to leave the children under the care of others while at work. A child molester can cash in on this situation.

4.A family bedeviled by conflicts will not have coordinated plans to prevent child molestation. A child might have a feeling of being alienated or abandoned as a result of incessant family strife. Tension at most times in the home will not allow the child to disclose any acts that are potentially harmful.

5.A single mother with children could be befriended by a child molester whose aim in the relationship is to have access to her children. Such a mother should not lower her guards until she is sure of the motives of her new friend.

6.A family with a huge traffic of visitors can be vulnerable because there are no external marks on a child molester that will enable you recognize him or her. It is good not to throw your doors wide open to persons you know very little about.

7.A family with children that have not been taught what is “acceptable and decent touching” distinct from “indecent touching’. Children must be taught the difference between decent play and indecent play.

8.A family where children are inhibited in their relationship with their parents and cannot discuss intimate issues freely with their parents.

9.Parents who are preoccupied with watching sexually explicit movies and tolerate pornography in the home put their children at home at risk for sexual molestation. The children from observing these movies come to accept acts displayed in them as normal.

10.Parents who do not talk about sex abuse with their children because they feel uncomfortable with the topic leave them at the mercy of sex offenders.

11.Parents who have not taught their children to have a high index of suspicion of adults who show unusual personal interests in them and lavish gifts on them.

12.Poor parental supervision will not provide opportunities to enable their child tell them what he or she is going through. Parents who are always absent from home without adult presence leaves them at the mercy of child predators.

13.Drug or alcohol abuse by parents will make them emotionally unavailable to listen to their children or to take measures to protect their children.

14.Parental illness has a destabilizing effect on the family and may not make them available for their children.

15.Living in a neighbourhood that has many registered sex offenders puts the child at risk for sexual molestation.

This article was written by Dr Francis Edo Olotu, Physician, Family Counselor, Author, Conference Speaker and host of the Blog Empowering Dads.Email address:empoweringdads@gmail.com. Visit his blog for a rich diversity of articles on family and health issues

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Family Situations that Put Children at High Risk for Sexual Abuse- 15 Types

It is difficult to provide round the clock security for a child against sexual abuse, however certain family situations have been found to expose the child to avoidable dangers. Parents would be doing a lot to prevent sexual abuse of their children if they avoid the following family situations:

A home situation where children are starved of love and so have to depend on outsiders to meet their emotional needs. Parents that are harsh, hypercritical and not demonstrative of love may leave their children vulnerable to child molesters who pretend to offer them what they cannot get at home. Absence of moral instructions in the home does not equip the child with the resources to know what is bad and evil. Single parent families where a single parent fends for the family and would have to leave the children under the care of others while at work. A child molester can cash in on this situation. A family bedeviled by conflicts will not have coordinated plans to prevent child molestation. A child might have a feeling of being alienated or abandoned as a result of incessant family strife. Tension at most times in the home will not allow the child to disclose any acts that are potentially harmful. A single mother with children could be befriended by a child molester whose aim in the relationship is to have access to her children. Such a mother should not lower her guards until she is sure of the motives of her new friend. A family with a huge traffic of visitors can be vulnerable because there are no external marks on a child molester that will enable you recognize him or her. It is good not to throw your doors wide open to persons you know very little about. A family with children that have not been taught what is “acceptable and decent touching” distinct from “indecent touching’. Children must be taught the difference between decent play and indecent play. A family where children are inhibited in their relationship with their parents and cannot discuss intimate issues freely with their parents. Parents who are preoccupied with watching sexually explicit movies and tolerate pornography in the home put their children at home at risk for sexual molestation. The children from observing these movies come to accept acts displayed in them as normal. Parents who do not talk about sex abuse with their children because they feel uncomfortable with the topic leave them at the mercy of sex offenders. Parents who have not taught their children to have a high index of suspicion of adults who show unusual personal interests in them and lavish gifts on them. Poor parental supervision will not provide opportunities to enable their child tell them what he or she is going through. Parents who are always absent from home without adult presence leaves them at the mercy of child predators. Drug or alcohol abuse by parents will make them emotionally unavailable to listen to their children or to take measures to protect their children. Parental illness has a destabilizing effect on the family and may not make them available for their children. Living in a neighbourhood that has many registered sex offenders puts the child at risk for sexual molestation.

This article was written by Dr Francis Edo Olotu, Physician, Family Counselor, Author, Conference Speaker and host of the Blog Empowering Dads.Email address:empoweringdads@gmail.com. Visit his blog for a rich diversity of articles on family and health issues

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Are You In an Abusive Relationship?

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” -Eleanor Roosevelt

There are many levels of abuse. When people think of abusive relationships they often associate them with some kind of physical abuse. Although physical abuse is one of the worst forms of an abusive relationship, abuse does not have to by physical, it comes in many disguises.

The different types of abusive relationships range from emotional, verbal, mental, sexual and physical or any combination of these. If you find yourself in an abusive relationship and you are trying to figure a way to get out, you need to proceed very carefully.

Some of the warning signs are:

* They blame you for everything, especially their anger or jealousy

* They are violent or they threaten you

* They control where you go, who you see and when

* They isolate you from all or most activities and friends

* They have bouts of uncontrollable emotional outbreaks

* They demean you, humiliate you, insult you, or embarrass you

* They make you feel insignificant and scared * They force you to do things sexually

* They make you feel terrible about yourself

* You cause all the problems and they cause none of them

* And on and on

If you recognize any of these signs in your relationship you will do one of two things. You will either make excuses or rationalize these behaviors or, you will gather your wits about yourself and do whatever it takes to protect yourself and get out.

Many victims of abuse are already dealing with low self-esteem and the abuser preys on this weakness to further belittle the victim so they won’t have the courage or strength to go anywhere.

It’s vital that you acknowledge that you are being abused before you can take the necessary steps to help yourself. If you are trying to convince yourself that “it doesn’t happen that often” or “he really didn’t mean it,” you are in for a rude awakening not to mention a lifetime of heartache and pain.

Just because the abuse may be cyclical doesn’t mean that you aren’t being abused and most times it will only escalate in the future to something you may not be able to handle.

A critical factor in protecting yourself is: the sooner you leave an abuser the better off you will be, because the longer you hang in there the more difficult and more dangerous the situation can become.

If you are wondering if you are in an abusive relationship all of the signs are there staring you in the face, all you have to do is open your eyes and begin to tell yourself the truth.

If you choose to ignore the reality of the situation you are in be prepared to pay the consequences of living a life of misery. You will be a prisoner in this relationship.

It pains me to even touch upon this next segment but, if you are in an abusive relationship and you are exposing children to this kind of a life, you too are an abuser!

It is your responsibility to protect and nurture your children. By exposing them to this kind of upbringing is not only detrimental to their well being, it totally skews their perception of how to have a healthy, loving relationship.

As they grow up you will be teaching them exactly how to be an abuser or how to be abused!

So, even if you are in the mental trap of believing you deserve this kind of behavior; your children certainly don’t!

Begin today and decide whether you are going to remain a victim in an abusive relationship or take the steps to free yourself to live the kind of life you really desire.

You have the power within you to do the thing you think you can’t.

Side note: If you are in a precarious situation and need to secretly devise a plan to leave. Call a Domestic Abuse Helpline.

Are you in an abusive relationship? Susan Russo has written one of the top breakup/divorce books on the market. Her direct approach is a wake up call for anyone who feels paralyzed in finding a way out. How would you like to move beyond the pain and start to feel like a human again? Find out how to by starting with Susan’s FREE mini report on how to heal your pain.

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