Female desires, male desire, are they compatible? Desires of different individuals are never identical, and they sometimes tend to forget in the momentum of the game. When one knows the beginning, when we love, we want very much, because we do not live together again. The get-together is times when the desire is always present. But the time of the meeting is a break in life. All remains are to build … and desires are so different.
Can a man and a woman are a couple may have sexual feelings at the same time?
Why this strong desire persists does not?
Once we began to live together, it feels so much the lack of absence that is a stimulant of desire. When one sees every morning and every evening, even more (there are couples who work together), the desire can no longer operate on the same modality.
How this desire Will it work then?
This desire will take two forms:
One is the instinctual desire, which is a function more often male. It is the sexual drive that is to say: “I feel like making love” … Suddenly, you feel an urge. Not necessarily all at once elsewhere. It may come gradually into one or two days, and then it is like going up. We speak of instinct, because it comes from inside you, and not always triggered by something in the environment.
And another form of desire?
It is the desire to reply, which would be rather feminine. Your partner desires you express in words, in gestures, innuendoes, his attitude, his manner, you understand, or he tells you, and provokes envy yours. Initially, there was no particular drive, you think of something else, and then another comes to you and you are interested and you say: “Why not?”, And greedily pleasure.
So we are compatible, since we are so different?
If we are, because these two types of desire complement each other very well and even perfectly. One partner feels a desire to drive and the other a desire to answer, relation is possible and enjoyable for both.
Is it really so typical: men have an operation and another for women?
Some men feel that their partner does not want, because it is essentially a desire for response, not an instinctual desire. Because they have difficulty understanding that his desire is more relational. Yet just as rich as her desire to bring depth to the relationship.
If both accept one and it gives great wealth to the relationship. If both try to make another change is rather negative. He tries to operate on the instinctual way, and she tries to make a desire to live more relational.
No, of course, women also have instinctual wishes and desires of the men answered. But the distribution is not 50/50. It notes trends…
What are they basis these trends to be different between men and women?
In analysis, hormones, education, genetics, but also society and the role it gives us … A little while without doubt, and it is difficult to separate things. But the result is there.
In total, we are very compatible, but if we doubt, we may disagree on the differences instead of taking them as assets.
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Talking to Women About Sexual Relationships
Once I found the experts had no rational explanations to offer me, I decided to embark on my own personal research by asking women I met in everyday life.
I quickly learned just how embarrassing it was to approach women on such an intimate topic. Very few women are willing to talk about sex at all and even fewer have anything to say about orgasm. The vast majority are silent so it is difficult to know what they think.
It would be nice to imagine that at least some are quietly getting on with it; too busy doing to be talking about it. But given how shocked most women are by any mention of explicit sexual activity, I question how many explore sex beyond the basics.
When I mention that I am a sex writer (only to those women I hope will not drop dead from shock at the mention of the word!) most women avoid the subject completely. They don’t even risk a commonplace comment like ‘How interesting!’ or ‘How brave!’.
This lack of confidence or embarrassment (or however you interpret being snubbed) does not convey the impression that women are happily enjoying orgasmic sex. I can only assume that women’s sexual experiences are not as sensational as we’d like to hope.
I have talked to women of varying ages. No doubt, people will tell me that I have encountered an unrepresentative group of women. One woman suggested that I must ‘live in a broom cupboard’ because of the reactions I have reported. They have no idea.
I challenge anyone who thinks differently to try approaching women they know: relatives, friends, neighbours, work colleagues, fellow holiday-makers etc. What is difficult to appreciate until you try this for real, is just how embarrassing it is to ask anyone about their personal experiences of sex.
Most women have no comment on the subject of orgasm
Many people claim to be relaxed about sex but they run a mile if you ask for details. Likewise women may joke together as a group and compare notes over their lovers’ sexual performance but never their own. The women who were brave enough to talk to me admitted that they never divulged the same details even to their closest friends.
Most women never comment on the popular image of female sexuality. So the views of the more vocal minority win the day. Even young women can be shocked by references to female masturbation and clitoral stimulation. Older women assume that only men and lesbians masturbate and clearly have no idea why a heterosexual woman might want to stimulate her genitals.
A young woman in her mid-twenties told me that she was too embarrassed to talk to anyone about her inability to orgasm during sex. She had assumed that it was her boyfriend’s fault and that perhaps she didn’t love him enough. Only once I told her some of the facts that might explain her experience was she brave enough to mention the issue to her mother.
Her mother, a medical doctor, responded (with slight bravado given her previous silence): “Of course you don’t orgasm during sex!” Some women are happy to accept such conclusions without questioning.
Others want to understand why popular beliefs are so misleading. I certainly did. Unfortunately so often, it isn’t done to ask why because people feel uncomfortable when they have no answers.
One woman told me that she would never allow young people to have sex in her house. I did not understand why since the traditional issues no longer apply. Yet it was clearly impolite to ask for an explanation because of the sensitivity of the subject.
Anyone who doubts that these attitudes exist should get out of their own broom cupboard. When a young boy said: “My parents told me that’s disgusting!” my heart-rate shot up instantly. The taboo of sex causes emotions to run high whatever our beliefs.
Jane Thomas author of www.WaysWomenOrgasm.org
WaysWomenOrgasm.org provides information about female sexuality including details of how women orgasm with a partner. The discussion of female sexuality covers women’s orgasm techniques including their use of clitoral stimulation and sexual fantasies.