#1. Instead of complaining, whining, or raising your voice, speak softly with clear, concise, respectful, and loving language.
How do you do that? Before you “react” stop for however long you need in order to calm yourself.
Walk away, explaining that you need to collect your thoughts before continuing. Then plan what you want to say. Sometimes I even write down what I need to communicate so I remember what I need to say. Then, when it’s time to talk about it, I ask that I be allowed to finish before he speaks. You’ll be surprised how well this works. He’ll stay open to what you need to say, you’ll be heard, and if you continue throughout the conversation as two people who love each other, your relationship will blossom.
Benefit to you: You’ll get his attention, his cooperation, and his respect.
Why it works: Men need clear, concise, unemotional language to be able to hear you. Otherwise, they shut it out completely. And we all know how good they can be at doing that.
#2. Look for ways that he makes you happy and let him know . . . regularly.
Some examples might be: “It makes me happy that you like solving problems for me,” or, “You make me feel wonderful when you tell me you love me,” or, “It makes me happy that you help with the kids…and they love it.” One of the chapters in my book, Men Made Easy, is titled: “Why Men Are Driven To Make Women Happy.” Letting him know you’re happy makes him feel successful. He needs that and you can give it to him.
Benefit to you: He’ll start looking for more ways to make you happy.
Why it works: If you’re not happy he feels like a failure and men hate to fail.
#3. Appreciate him often, especially for his masculine qualities and those things you know he likes about himself, things he’s proud of.
Examples could be: “I really appreciate what a nice home you’ve been able to give us, thank you so much,” or, “I love how strong you are. I like watching you work,” or, “The way you make love to me is so perfect, mmmmmm.”
Benefit to you: He’ll fall in love each time you do it and you’ll make him feel like a hero. (The last secret in Men Made Easy is “A man wants to be with a woman who makes him feel like a man.”)
Why it works: Men compete with other men and need to measure up. You can validate his worth as a man.
#4. Give him romantic kisses instead of pecks. Long hello kisses tell him you’re glad to see him, long good-bye kisses tell him you can’t wait until he returns, long thank-you kisses tell him you really appreciate what he did for you, and “hey you, kiss me” kisses tell him you want him.
Benefit to you: He’ll feel more connected to you and look forward to being with you.
Why it works: Physical connection is the only way most men know how to be intimate and intimacy is what makes your relationship special.
#5. Flirt with him.
Be playful, tease him, talk sexy once in a while, gaze into his eyes with a “come here, big boy” twinkle, offer sexy kisses and physical touches.
Why do we think we can quit doing the things we did when we were first falling in love and expect our relationship to stay strong? The relationships that endure are those where the couple stays “in love”. That means flirting, being playful, being sexy and sensual, and remembering why we fell in love in the first place.
Benefit to you: You’ll both feel younger, friskier, and more in love.
Why it works: Flirting is a kind of play and playfulness helps cement your bond. And adding the sexual energy to the mix keeps the sexual side of your relationship alive and vibrant. Remember this, when the sexual side of your relationship dies, you become roommates at best.
To read more articles by this nationally known relationship expert, please visit AliveWithLove.com.
Kara Oh is a nationally recognized, best-selling author of Men Made Easy, and has written several other titles including Affair Repair, From Flirting To Forever, Marriage Makeover Manuel, and How To Win The Woman You Want. She is also a co-author of 101 Great Ways To Improve Your Life with fellow authors, John Gray, Jack Canfield, Richard Carlson, Bob Proctor and Alan Cohan.
She’s a Dating and Relationship Coach, Seminar Leader, Inspirational Speaker, radio and TV personality, mother of two fantastic grown children, and grandmother of a magical 14 year old grandson.
Kara has been interviewed on hundreds of radio and TV shows across the country in cities like New York, Atlanta, Las Vegas, Chicago, and Philadelphia, and given seminars in bookstores in every major (and a few not so major) city. She has been featured in magazines like Cosmopolitan and Women’s World. She is an enlightening and entertaining public speaker and has traveled to all the major US cities sharing her insights about what makes men tick and how to create amazing relationships.
