Putting Her in the Number One Spot: Biggest Dating/relationship Mistakes Part Five

Todays typ­i­cal man doesn’t have a lot going on for him. He doesn’t have a mis­sion, hobby or pas­sion for life. He works a job that he wishes he could quit. He goes out and gets drunk with his bud­dies wish­ing he had bet­ter friends. He feels stuck in his posi­tion in life want­ing, wait­ing, wish­ing for some­thing bet­ter to come along.

Out of no where comes a beau­ti­ful woman who that wants to spend time with him. He is thrown off guard by this pleas­ant sur­prise, so much so that he com­pletely for­gets about every­thing else. Most of the time when a guy starts dat­ing a new woman she becomes HIS WORLD.

Soon after meet­ing her he begins to lose any sense of self he once had and puts her first above all. Every­thing he had done before he met her has been put on the back burner for his new flame.

He ditches his friends at the drop of a hat to spend some time with this girl who he has only known for a week or so. He takes off of work to go to the beach with her even though he can’t afford it. Lit­tle does he know that this type of behav­ior is exactly what will drive her away the quick­est. He is think­ing every­thing is ok while she is look­ing for the fastest exit out of there.

NEVER MAKE ANY WOMAN THE NUMBER ONE PRIORITY IN YOUR LIFE. Putting your girl­friend or date into the num­ber one spot will kill the attrac­tion quicker than any­thing else. For many reasons:

1. She knows that your self esteem is not high enough

When you put a woman in the num­ber one spot you are basi­cally say­ing her hap­pi­ness and well being is more impor­tant than your own. You might think it is roman­tic or cute to put her needs above your own but it isn’t. It sends a direct mes­sage to the woman that your self esteem isn’t high enough to take care of num­ber one: your­self. Low self esteem guys rarely get the girl. Even if they do, they quickly lose her.

2. Fear of los­ing the girl

“If I don’t do what she says or put her first she might leave me”- If you do end up putting a woman first and she does leave, you should con­sider your­self lucky. A lot of the time when the woman is first the rela­tion­ship goes to absolute hell where cheat­ing, lying, manip­u­la­tion, NAGGING become the day to day rou­tine. I have seen and heard some absolute hor­ror sto­ries when the woman decides to stay in it for what­ever rea­son after the attrac­tion level has hit zero.

3. It’s Dishonest

Humans are basi­cally self­ish crea­tures, we look out for our own sur­vival and do things for us. When you put other’s needs above your own you are lying to them about your own desires. For exam­ple; your date or girl­friend says “hey lets go get hot dogs” and you hate hot dogs but you don’t say any­thing because you don’t want to upset her, you are lying to her about what you truly want.

Peo­ple rarely do things for oth­ers with­out attach­ments. Most of the time they do for oth­ers because they want some­thing from them, be it atten­tion, love, friend­ship, sex, what­ever. They believe that they are being “nice” but their nice­ness comes with a price and almost always has an agenda.

Being self­ish and putting your needs first is sim­ply being hon­est and hon­esty is some­thing peo­ple can trust. Peo­ple will hate you for it but hey, you can’t win them all. They will try to guilt trip you by call­ing you a self cen­tered bas­tard but thats them being upset at their inabil­ity to get you to put them first.

4. Not know­ing any better

Soci­ety, par­ents and reli­gion have all shoved down your throat the roman­tic notion of sac­ri­fic­ing every­thing for a woman to prove to her your love. This fairy tale story ONLY works in the movies, never in real life. In real life, as MANY of you can attest to, it kills the attraction.

Major­ity of guys get their dating/relationship model from their par­ents. Unfor­tu­nately, for many of you, your par­ents rela­tion­ships suck. Mommy orders daddy around while daddy spends his nights fan­ta­sy­ing about how it would feel to be in a LOVE filled rela­tion­ship where the ATTRACTION is still going with­out all the argu­ing and moth­er­ing. From this most guys fig­ure that this is the way a rela­tion­ship should be and have no idea about the pos­si­bil­ity of hav­ing long last­ing attrac­tion based inter­ac­tions with women-they sim­ple don’t know any better.

5. It’s down­right needy

Noth­ing reeks of need­i­ness more like drop­ping every­thing in your life to be with a woman. Guy’s do this because they are try­ing to fill a whole inside of them­selves. They feel they lack in some­way and need a woman, a car or money to finally feel good about themselves.

Relationships/dating are all about help­ing each other to be bet­ter peo­ple. When you are on a plane the flight atten­dants instruct you to put your mask on FIRST in case of fire before putting your children’s mask on. The rea­son they do this is because you will be able to help more peo­ple when you take care of your­self first. If you decide to put their mask on first you won’t be help­ing many peo­ple when your lungs are filled with smoke.

A lot of Seduc­tion Guru’s sug­gest not spend­ing as much time with her. While I under­stand this line of think­ing but it doesn’t solve the prob­lem. The prob­lem isn’t the amount of time you spend with a girl, it’s your need­i­ness and lack of pri­or­i­ties that she picks up on that kills the attrac­tion. Spend­ing time with a girl­friend or a date is a GOOD thing because famil­iar­ity breads close­ness but just as long you DON”T make her a pri­or­ity over every­thing else.

The advice “don’t spend as much time with her” is basi­cally mim­ic­k­ing how “bad boys” treat women. It’s fake because you really aren’t a bad boy, you are just needy. When you put on the fake non-needy bad boy mask and force your­self to be aloof with the girl it will get you stuck in your head and over think­ing every­thing big time.

You will get extremely para­noid that you are spend­ing too much time with her or show­ing too much inter­est. This hap­pens because you are show­ing the actions of some­one who nat­u­rally isn’t needy and play­ing make believe but on the inside you are still the same person-your inner game is still not solid.

A much bet­ter solu­tion is to sim­ply make the choice to drop being needy. Once you have dropped need­i­ness you won’t have to think about it because it will no longer be a con­cern. Once need­i­ness is gone you will have the free­dom to do WHATEVER YOU WANT and NOT KILL THE ATTRACTION.

I sug­gest that you do two things if you are or have in the past put women first above ALL else:

1. Become Selfish

2. Get your pri­or­i­ties in line

“The most impor­tant per­son in my rela­tion­ships is ME”- David X

That is a pow­er­ful fuck­ing state­ment. That should be the frame you always keep in mind whether it’s a first date or it’s your two year anniver­sary. ALWAYS put your­self above ALL else because in the end when you close your eyes and go to sleep, there is you and you alone. You may have been with this girl for ten years but you have been with your­self for a lifetime.

Become self­ish. Become hon­est and do things for your­self. Make your­self the most impor­tant per­son in your life. Touch her because YOU want to. Kiss her because you want to. Go out to a bar because you want to. Don’t go out to a bar because you don’t to-whatever it doesn’t mat­ter as long as you are doing things on your own terms.

*note: it doesn’t mean that you don’t ever do any­thing for her, it sim­ply means that you do things because you want to. Exam­ple: you give her a gift or a back rub because you want to enjoy the plea­sure she gets from receiv­ing a back rub or a gift, NOT because you want to get her to stay with you or like you.

Get your pri­or­i­ties in line

Here is a new list of priorities:

1. Your health- with­out your health you can’t have a rela­tion­ship in the first place. Don’t sleep with a woman if you are tired because you would be putting her needs above your own. She might enjoy the sex but the attrac­tion and respect she has for you will go down every time you do it.

2. Your integrity- Never sell out your hon­esty or core val­ues for a woman. Even if she doesn’t like that you stuck to your    guns she will respect you for it and the attrac­tion will grow.

3. Your mis­sion– “Never break your mis­sion for a woman. She needs to know that your mis­sion is greater than her or your     rela­tion­ship” An exam­ple of this: Just as I’m typ­ing this my girl­friend called to talk to me. I told her I was writ­ing and to call later on because I was on my mission.

For more infor­ma­tion on being on your mis­sion check out How to Find and Live Your Mission:

http://innergamereframe.com/how-to-find-and-live-your-mission/

4. Your rela­tion­ships with women, fam­ily and friends. This should always be fourth on your list of pri­or­i­ties. I’d go so far as to even tell the woman that she will be num­ber four on your list.

She may say that she doesn’t that you are self­ish and put your­self first but the truth is she will LOVE it. She will love it because she has finally found a man who isn’t weak or needy, doesn’t put her first and has a strong sense of self and pur­pose in life.

–Alex

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